Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just high enough for therapy.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
