11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
