Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
