In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
