brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
