that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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