there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
