ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
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I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
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everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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