is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
