I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
