When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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