What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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