Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
