the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I have already put on my inside pants.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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