I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
