She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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