he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
