Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
