I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
