you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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