And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
