try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
