Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
