She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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