Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
