He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
