WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
