So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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