Apparently you make a good broom.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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