Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
