we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
