do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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