Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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