3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize