you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize