TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
