dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You made out with two different species that night
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
