Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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