All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
