Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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