ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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