There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
how do you play pong handcuffed?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
