Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
