I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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