I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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