you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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