just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
