did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
