Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
