drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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