woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
