i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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