is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
