I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
