The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
