he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
