I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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