Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
