Betty ford says i'm here all night
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
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