she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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