so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
