Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
