I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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