youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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