i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
