worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
