Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
