Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
