yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
