Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
