Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Randomize
