How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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